When it comes to divorce proceedings, as a skilled family law solicitor, one of the most poignant and urgent matters that we can deal with is domestic violence. Abuse can also be an important component of marital dissolution and has direct implications for the legal process of divorce. Any victim should take this very seriously, to ensure they know what they can and cannot do, and their rights and protections, as well as how domestic abuse is handled in the UK’s legal system.
How Is Domestic Abuse Defined?
Domestic abuse is loosely defined in the UK. Not only physical violence – there are emotional, psychological, financial and sexual abuses. Coercive control is included within the UK government’s definition of domestic abuse, along with forms of controlling or aggressive behaviour that can involve separating someone from friends and family, monitoring their movements, spending on them, or assaulting them.
You need to know that domestic abuse goes beyond physical abuse because victims might not initially believe they are victims if they haven’t been physically abused. And now, in the UK, the law recognises these wider abuses and offers legal opportunities for victims to flee and defend themselves.
Why Domestic Violence Is Bad for Divorce Proceedings?
It can wreak havoc on divorce proceedings through domestic violence. If abuse has occurred, things might shift considerably during a divorce. Some victims might not want to file for divorce out of fear of retaliation, financial insecurity or worries about the welfare of their children.
The UK courts take domestic violence seriously in relation to child custody, financial arrangements and accommodation. For instance, domestic violence might come into play in custody negotiations because the child’s welfare is the court’s priority. The judge may find it unsafe for the violent spouse to have custody or access to the children.
Legal Redress for Domestic Violence Victims
Domestic abuse victims are protected by several law provisions under UK law. These are legal remedies that are intended to protect the victim and any children, and to help them feel safe during the process of divorce.
Non-Molestation Orders: A non-molestation order is a court order that forbids the abusive partner from harassing, threatening or physically abusing the victim or children. A non-molestation order is illegal, and the molester can be arrested if they violate it. Such an order can be important for those victims who are worried that they will face retaliation or additional abuse during the divorce process.
Employment Orders: An occupation order determines who gets to be in the family home. In a case of domestic violence, a court can give an occupation order to get the abusive partner out of the house, even if he or she is the legal owner and on the lease. It enables the victim to remain in the family home in relative safety, with the abuser banned from coming back.
Prohibited Steps Orders (PSO): When a child is at risk, for example, if the abuser could try to take a child out of the country or harm the child, then a prohibited steps order can be issued to stop the abuser from doing any particular act.
Domestic Violence Protection Orders (DVPO): Developed in 2014, a Domestic Violence Protection Order is a temporary court order that can be made by the police to secure victims in place. DVPOs prevent the abuser from returning to the home and visiting the victim for 28 days or longer, leaving the victim time to pursue additional legal help and support in the long term.
For Justice: Reporting Harassment and Collecting Evidence
Not only do the victims of domestic violence have legal rights and legal protection, but also a right to justice in criminal courts. Domestic violence is a crime and you’re encouraged to report the abuse to the police. Not only does domestic abuse involve more than one incident, but if there’s been a history of abusive activity, it can be grounds for criminal and civil sanctions.
When you are seeking a divorce with an element of domestic violence, evidence is key. Examples of proof can be:
- Photos of injuries or property.
- Injury records.
- SMS, email, voicemail with threats or abuse.
- Audiences from friends, relatives or neighbours.
- Crime codes or serial numbers of any incidents of abuse
This evidence will aid your argument during divorce and child custody hearings, helping the courts see the full arc of the relationship and what may have endangered you or your children.
Domestic Violence and Child Support
For domestic violence victims of divorce, child custody is the first thing to focus on. The child’s interests are the most important factor for the court, and if there is domestic violence, custody is likely going to be on the agenda.
The court will look at the effects of the abusive activity on the child. That extends both to abuse that is directed at the child and the emotional damage of being witnessed. The court may limit or exclude access to the child from the abusive parent, out of concern for the child’s safety.
Sometimes the court will allow supervised contact, or prescribe certain visitation parameters so that any interaction between the abuser and the child is safe. The abuser may be a substantial threat to the child and so, if this case appears to be unfair, the court can find no contact is appropriate.
Advocacy Centres for Domestic Violence Victims
Divorce is hard for anyone but when there’s domestic violence at play, it’s all the more emotional and legal. They shouldn’t do this alone: there are countless networks and charities in the UK who can advise, counsel and assist with lawyers.
Refuge, Women’s Aid and Victim Support provide free, confidential help – including emergency accommodation, legal representation and emotional assistance to domestic violence victims. They’re useful when you’re dealing with divorce and feel vulnerable or uncertain about where to turn.
How to Protect Your Mental Health In Divorce?
Divorce is not only a legal matter but it’s an emotional and psychological experience that can be extremely disruptive to your psyche. In my own practice, I’ve worked with thousands of clients who have experienced the trauma of divorce, ranging from anxiety and sadness to depression. Legalities of a divorce are difficult enough, but you also need to be mindful of your mental health during this process. Here’s how you can protect your sanity and handle divorce with grit and fortitude.
Accept Your Feelings (This will help)
Divorce is one of the hardest things that a person can do. Sadness, anger, guilt, relief… all of these emotions are worth naming. Blocking and shutting down will just create more emotional pain in the future.
Divorce may give you a sense of being unsuccessful or not yourself, especially if you’ve been married for years. It’s OK to grieve the loss of your marriage, even if the divorce was mutual or for the best. If you are ready for what you feel, then you allow yourself time to let it go and begin to move through it.
Tip: Writing is an option for you to allow yourself to be vulnerable in your feelings. If you aren’t a writer, speaking to a close friend or therapist will bring the same emotional relief.
Take Care of You
There’s nothing like spending the duration of a divorce focused on the process, the debt, and the children. But you have to take care of yourself. You need to take care of yourself when you feel your mind is failing.
Health on the physical side is directly proportional to health on the psychological side. Exercise will reduce stress and make you happier if you do it regularly, even a walk once a day. Healthy eating and sleep are equally important- ignoring these essentials will make you more anxious and overwhelmed.
Emotional health is no less valuable. Do whatever feels good to you whether that’s reading, painting, or connecting with family and friends. These mini elations can be a much-needed distraction in a trying time.
Tip: Ensure that you have a healthy schedule for exercising, eating well and taking time to rest. Doing your daily self-care will help you to deal with stress and keep your mental health intact during the divorce.
Seek Professional Support
You are so lonely during divorce, even if you have your family and friends with you. There can be assistance with visiting a therapist or counsellor who specialises in divorce and relationship issues. The professional will guide you through how you feel, provide some coping mechanisms and allow you to vent without judgement.
If your mental health is ailing, if you’re anxious or depressed, don’t be afraid to get help. These emotions can be managed by therapists who will guide you through the emotional rollercoaster ahead.
Tip: There are many charities and organisations (like Relate or the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) that provide divorce therapy specifically for you). But don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Overcome Stress and Anxiety
The legal sides of divorce — the settlements, child custody and property divisions — can become frantic and complicated. It’s important to make the necessary changes in order to manage that stress and stop it from getting to your mind.
Break things down into steps so you don’t get stuck at the large size of all the options and actions to make. Make a list and do each task one at a time instead of doing it all at once.
Even meditative and breathing practices can keep you on the ground in times of high-stress. These exercises keep you in the present and relax your mind and anxiety levels.
Tip: Do not be afraid to ask your solicitor for advice. And it’s up to us as attorneys to oversee the details of divorce. … Allow your solicitor to take care of all that while you keep your mind on the details of your life.
Develop a Support Circle
When you go through a divorce, you might find yourself alone in your own circle since your marriage is the centre of attention. Contact with trusted friends, family, or support groups can ease your mind and make you feel less isolated at this stage.
Talking to someone who understands what you’re going through, or someone who will lend a shoulder can help immensely. If you’re unable to openly talk to your friends or family, seek out a divorce support group. These communities offer a secure, accepting space where you can express yourself to those who are experiencing the same issues.
Tip: Look into local or online support networks like those at Relate or Mind, both of which provide support for people experiencing separation and divorce. Support from other people can have an incredible impact on how you manage your feelings at this time.
Set Limits With Your Ex-Loved One!
Some of the toughest part about getting divorced is staying in contact with your ex-spouse, especially if the divorce is heated. Clear limits are crucial to your mental health.
Unless you have kids, keep communication respectful and child-centric. Yet it’s just as crucial not to discuss the divorce or individual problems outside of the courtroom. When you have bad experiences with your ex-partner, that can significantly increase the amount of stress you are experiencing so you can’t really focus on your own healing.
If things can’t be communicated, use mediation services or solicitors to make sure that it’s constructive and won’t cause further hurt feelings.
Tip: If you must, limit communication with your ex-spouse to the point of strictures and use neutral channels or 3rd-party middlemen to resolve delicate communications. It’s vital to hold onto your emotional space at this point.
Keep Your Eyes On the Future
If there is any one thing that can help preserve your sanity in a divorce, it’s staying present with the future rather than dwelling on the past. This divorce can seem like a end, but it’s also a start, and you could be starting a new life with the right vision for your own life.
Start making lists of what you want after a divorce. Be it starting over in a career, visiting a foreign place, or even a new interest or passion, there’s something to look forward to and it gives us direction and expectation for the future.
Tip: Have some small, realistic goals for you to start moving. Even a small shift, just introducing a new routine or planning a fun activity can put you off loss to rebirth.
Divorce is certainly among life’s most difficult moments, but you need to maintain a healthy mind and body during your divorce to stay emotionally and long-term healthy. When you take care of yourself, work with a professional, are in control of your stress levels, and have a solid support system in place, you will be able to carry on in this tough period with more resilience and optimism.
As part of a professional team of divorce solicitors, I appreciate the pressure that divorce imposes on you, and we are here not just to look after the law but to provide you with the right advice on how to maintain your mental wellbeing. You can come out of it, emotionally and legally, a stronger person, and more capable of beginning your new life.
Domestic abuse divorce is a difficult and stressful event, but there are strong safeguards in place in the UK. If you are getting abused, you should be sure to get legal representation as soon as possible to make sure your safety and rights are fully safeguarded throughout the divorce process. Under the right legal and emotional guidance, domestic abuse victims can seek a divorce and develop a healthier future for themselves.
Well-informed solicitors can guide you through what is available, seek legal protections, and take your case to court. You do not have to suffer through domestic violence alone, and if you are contemplating divorce, get professional help.