Advice from an Experienced Divorce Solicitor
You don’t just part ways in divorce. With reams of paperwork to fill in, the end of a relationship is a legal process. With 30 years of experience as a divorce solicitor in the UK, I’ve watched countless people trip up along the way, making avoidable blunders that provoke animosity in their ex and create more acrimonious, expensive and drawn-out divorce proceedings than necessary.
With the rise of the no-fault divorce in England and Wales, I’ve seen fewer cases where spouses resort to accusations of adultery or alcoholism in the quest for a quicker legal split. But that doesn’t mean they’re any less cut-throat. Here’s how to avoid making some serious legal blunders when it comes to your divorce.
1. Ignoring the Importance of Full Financial Disclosure
Advice: Make sure you disclose all your financial information upfront. That means saving, investments, pensions and debts. If you are not sure what should be disclosed, ask your solicitor.
2. Overlooking the Impact of Emotional Decisions
Divorce is often an emotional process, and it’s easy to make decisions based on how you feel now, rather than what’s going to be the best outcome in the long run. The decision you make right now in a fit of anger or sadness is one you are likely to regret later on.
Advice: Before making any decision, step back and take a holistic view of the problem. Most of the time, the best course of action will be to engage a solicitor who will assist you in viewing the situation from an objective perspective, and who can help you decide what is in your best legal and financial interests.
3. Not Understanding Your Legal Rights and Obligations
Without understanding their legal rights and responsibilities, many people are caught off guard when they file for divorce. As a result, they might not negotiate as astutely as they could and therefore get a less favourable deal.
Advice: The more you know about the law, the better placed you’ll be to make the right choices for you and your kids. And you’ll know when the other person is trying to pull the wool over your eyes or bending the truth. Find out what your rights and responsibilities are under the law – get someone with a good knowledge of family law (preferably a solicitor) to explain how the law applies to your case. Find out what you are entitled to under the law – whether you’re likely to get maintenance payments and how much or whether you’re entitled to the house or part of the house, and how cash and assets are divided if you get divorced.
4. Refusing to Compromise
You may know your rights and be willing to fight for them, but if you are inflexible and unwilling to compromise then the case is likely to drag on and get expensive. Settlements are about give and take on both sides.
Advice: Always negotiate and compromise. This does not mean you should give up what you want but that both of you should be prepared to work towards an acceptable compromise. Mediation can be a useful process for establishing a happy middle ground.
5. Choosing the Wrong Solicitor
Choosing the right divorce solicitor can have a massive impact on the divorce process. As well as sound and sympathetic legal advice, a good solicitor can be something of a counsellor, easing the emotional pressures of what is undoubtedly a stressful time. Here’s how to ensure you choose the right solicitor for you.
Specialisation and Experience:
Make sure that the solicitor you engage is a specialist in family law. Family law is complicated and ever-changing so you need someone who is abreast of the latest developments in legislation practice, particularly in the field of divorce.
Advice: Try to find solicitors who are members of family law accreditation schemes, such as those offered through the Law Society, or those who have a Resolution accreditation, which is a body dedicated to family lawyers who are committed to sorting out disputes in a non-confrontational fashion.
Communication Skills:
Your solicitor should be someone with whom you can speak easily. In the first meeting, check whether they listen to you, understand the worries you have, and can translate legalese into plain English. You need a solicitor with whom you are at ease, whose competence you feel.
Advice: Pay attention to how quickly they respond to your questions, how clearly they answer them, and whether or not they seem genuinely interested in helping you. Good communication is key to making sure you are informed about each step of the process.
Reputation and Recommendations:
A decent reputation (judged from customer reviews and word of mouth) offers an indication of the solicitor’s ability and the quality of their work. Check out reviews and testimonials from the solicitor’s past clients. Is it easy to get in contact with them and make an appointment? This is where friends or family are a good source of information, especially if they’ve gone through the same process as you might be going through.
Advice: Online forums, social media groups and local neighbourhood boards can be a good source of reviews and testimonials about solicitors in your area.
Personal Rapport:
Probably the most important dimension to all this is the solicitor-client relationship. Your solicitor must seem to you to be understanding of your predicament and actually interested in achieving the best possible outcome for you. Trust your instincts – if you don’t feel comfortable, or if it seems that your concerns aren’t being taken seriously, perhaps you should think about another solicitor.
Advice: Make sure you book an initial case consultation before you instruct them, and use this meeting to get a sense of how they might work with you. They should be interested and encouraging, and respond constructively to your queries. They should also show you how they plan to be proactive about your case.
Cost and Billing Transparency:
The cost: you need to understand the cost and how you will be billed. The costs can vary greatly, and you need to know how you will be billed (hourly, flat fee, retainer) and what might not be included and therefore incur additional costs. You don’t want to be surprised by hidden charges.
Advice: Make sure you ask for a written estimate of all costs and billing practices at your first appointment. Ensure that there are no hidden charges and ask how you will be billed for any additional unforeseen costs.
Finding the right solicitor is as much a part of good divorce management as managing your own emotions. Spend time in making sure you find not only a good one with a great track record in family law but someone who you like and know that you will get along with well. You will be in a better position for riding out this storm.
6. Not Understanding Child Custody Laws
Among the most heated points of disagreement in any divorce with young children is the issue of child custody. Common misunderstandings about the law can lead to unrealistic expectations and heated disputes, which is why it is so important to understand how the laws work in order to make the best decisions for your children.
The Basics of Child Custody Laws:
For example, in the UK child custody law and statutes refer to the rights and responsibilities of parents in relation to a child, rather than the ‘parents’ rights’. The welfare of the child is the overriding consideration. Physical custody refers to where the child lives and legal custody defines the rights to make decisions about the child’s upbringing such as about education, health and religion.
Types of Custody Arrangements:
- Sole Custody: Legal and physical custody of the child is given to one parent. This is more rare, and usually because one parent is deemed unfit in some way.
- Joint Custody: Both parents share legal and/or physical custody of the child, although how much time each child spends with a parent can vary.
- Residency Order: Who the child will live with, whether this is shared residency between the parents, or one parent has sole residency.
- Contact Order: States when and for what duration a non-resident parent can have contact with the child, either directly (for example, at the weekend) or indirectly (a phone call, for example).
- Advice: Learning these terms and what they mean is the first step in preparing for custody negotiations. Rather than thinking of custody as a battle to be won, it is important to think about it as an exercise in co-parenting in the best interests of children.
Common Misconceptions:
Many parents believe that mothers are given custody automatically, but the law does not favour parents of a specific gender. The laws are based on the child’s needs, the parents ability, and the existing relationship between the parent and child.
Legal Guidance Is Crucial:
Because the rules around child custody are complicated, it is important to get the right legal advice so that you fully understand your rights, the likely outcome based upon your individual situation, and how to take the matter to custody negotiations. A solicitor who specialises in family law can help you.
Advice: Work closely with your solicitor to draft a realistic and equitable custody plan. Don’t hesitate to discuss and negotiate custody openly and respectfully with your ex. Use family mediation to formulate an agreement that serves the best interests of your child.
It is important to have a good understanding of the law on child custody and make sure that you are properly advised by an experienced family law solicitor, so that you can approach custody discussions with a clear mind and focus on what will be in the best interests of your children after a divorce.
So in conclusion, by avoiding these legal pitfalls during your divorce, you can reduce the time, money and stress involved, while ensuring that the choices you make now have a lasting impact on your future.
Ensure that you work with an experienced divorce solicitor who understands the legal implications of divorce and acts with your interests at heart.